wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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