i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are we still banned from the library?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
