Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to cum in my sink.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
