my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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