no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
