The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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