Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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