NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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