Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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