you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
