Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize