He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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