I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
