the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
