I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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