you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
