I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
