He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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