"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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