her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
