I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
