that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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