Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
