And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
