Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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