I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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