Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
