South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did i walk over a car last night?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
