Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
