She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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