Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
