I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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