what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
