just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
