one two three fourrrrnication!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
