That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.