my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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