is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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