I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.