And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment