found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this