When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
