Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we're making bets on your personal life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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