I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
