does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
