So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
