and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
