Your mouth is God's brothel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
