Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So much rum. So many feels.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
