when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
