toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
