If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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