I wish I only lived at night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
