i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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