At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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