There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
