I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
