All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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