Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
