He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
