It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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