I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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