I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
