Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
