So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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