it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
