something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
