Whod you bang
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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