Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
