Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
