and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
