my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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